I've been on vacation because I haven't been working. I've been a stay-at-home wife. Fortunately, I live in a beautiful place that some people pay lots of money to come visit, so it hasn't exactly been a boring four months. I've done more in the city than I ever would have if I were working from the beginning. I've explored, relaxed, worked out, read a ton of books, and of course, added blogging to my list of interests.
But as wonderfully carefree and relaxing as that sounds, it wasn't to me. I really struggled with not working. Since I was 15 I've never not had a job. I worked all the way through college and except for a couple weeks right after we got married, I've always worked. It's never occured to me to waste a perfectly good college and graduate education on staying at home. Sure, if I had kiddos at home to take care of, it would be a different story. But just to not work? So all that to say, I've devoted a great deal of time to searching for a job.
I sent in over 300 applications, cover letters, and resumes.
I've had 20-something interviews.
I've had two job offers that I didn't accept.
I had one person that waited 6 weeks after my third interview to answer my inquiries about whether or not I got a job.
There were a lot of frustrating experiences. A lot of disappointment. I never thought it would take me so long to find a job. I guess I had too high of an opinion of myself. A big part of the lack of jobs is that California's government and economy is worse than I ever saw in South Carolina. People either can't hire or they can afford to be very picky because the job market is so flooded with unemployed people. I also think it helps a lot out here if you have a big name university on your resume. The only people who knew what college I went to were at a Catholic school...and they don't remember BJU for great reasons, unfortunately. I also only have two years' experience out of college, so it puts me below the magic 3-5 years' experience category.
I really struggled with this process. I had set up having a job as the measure of my worth, my intelligence, and my purpose as a human being. My job at Brilliant Beginnings was so fulfilling, so rewarding, and the relationships I built there so close that I was suddenly lost when I didn't have that anymore. I basically made having a job my idol. I stopped trusting that God would take care of me and starting being discontent in His plan for me. I took my frustration out on my husband who was nothing but supportive and loving to me through it. Marc was a rock - he brought me back to reality by pointing out when my focus was wrong. He forced me to think about what I wanted in a job and encouraged me to stop looking for anything and wait for that job to come. But I still became bitter that we came all the way across the country for him to start a job that he finds challenging, fulfilling, and enjoyable, and yet I was unable to find the same.
Finally, this past Sunday, our pastor gave a message on God's covenant with Abraham. He really dwelt on the fact that God keeps His promises, all the time. I was so convicted because I was unconsciously believing that God wasn't keeping up His end of the bargain because I had trusted Him when we moved here and yet He hadn't provided work for me. But my thinking was wrong. God had kept His promise to never leave me, to never forsake me. I may not have had exactly what I wanted, but I had exactly what He wanted. I decided to finally commit my unemployed status to God and trust that it would change when He wanted it to, and in the meantime I had to learn to be content.
And before the week's end, I had a job.